After yesterday’s post on the talk from CiCi, I had to think about my first visit to Las Vegas as Liv. For my work I have been to visit Las Vegas a couple of times before. Around a year after my coming out, I had another opportunity to go there. This time I made sure to pack some dresses, my makeup and heels.
These trips mostly take a week, where you do not see a lot other than the hotel and the conference area. The good thing is that you end up with a hotel room for yourself, and some of the evenings you are free to spend your time as you wish.
So the first time I could take some time for me, I went to my room after dinner, took a long shower and started to dress up. I picked a beautiful little black dress, nice stocking and high heels and I felt marvelous. Here I was all glammed up in a hotel room in Vegas. It almost felt silly not to go out, but it was tricky as many colleagues were staying in the same hotel.
You know what they say about Vegas, “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”. But I guess that if one of my colleagues would see me, that saying would not hold. My urge to go out was getting bigger. I just wanted to be me and have fun. So I started to think about why it would be ok to go out. At checkin I had made sure no one knew my room number. So they would not be looking for me in my room. They would probably not recognize me and my direct colleagues would probably hang out in the same bar they went to every night. On top of that these hotels or resorts are enormous, so if I stayed away from those bars, the chances of seeing colleagues would be very limited.
I found that the night club in the hotel next to mine was open that night, and decided I would take the chance and go out. I must admit that, as Liv I feel more confident and outgoing. I took my purse, opened my hotel room, and took a quick glance in the hallway. No colleagues in sight. yes! I locked my room and elegantly walked to the elevators.
As it was evening the elevators were all occupied and it took a while for one to arrive at my floor. Being there in the elevator area, made me feel a bit exposed. What if a colleague would show up? I comforted myself with the idea that they still would not recognize me. Finally an elevator arrived. It was crowded with people looking forward to enjoy themselves and I stepped in. I made sure to move a bit to the back. We were stopping at many floors, and more and more people came into the elevator.
We went down another floor and the doors opened again. My heart stopped, when one of my international colleagues stepped into elevator. I tried to keep my cool and made sure not to make eye contact with him. He quickly turned around to look at the doors closing and we went down again. He got off at another floor and never even glanced my way. Pfffff, this was close. My adrenaline was rushing, but I had not been spotted. It somehow felt exciting. Then the elevator stopped at the ground floor. As everybody stepped out, I remembered the words of CiCi, own it, just own it. So I walked out as confident as I could and went straight to exit of the hotel towards the Strip.
It felt amazing to be outdoor. Almost surreal with all the people, lights flashing, all the shows. Two girls handing out flyers, shouted “you look wonderful girl” and I loved every step I took. Here I was, on The Strip. Although I had been to Las Vegas before, I had never felt so free and excited. I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the people around me, I was just enjoying this experience being out as Liv. After a while I arrived at the night club and joined the line to enter.
At the night club I had to present an ID. Oh my, of course, this is how it works. How could I have forgotten about it. I started to worry a bit, as my ID clearly says I am male. But before I knew it, I had to present mine. I took out my ID and handed it to the bouncer. He gave a quick glance, handed it back to me and let me in.
I had made it to the night club. I had forgotten about my work, my colleagues, the reason of why I was here in the first place. Instead I felt happy and free in this crazy world. I had a wonderful time dancing and found myself chatting to couple of people. One moment I noticed a man staring at me. It felt kind of nice to get noticed. I had to chuckle a bit, when I noticed that he was with a woman, I guess his girlfriend or partner, who seemed to be very annoyed he had been looking at me.
It was a wonderful night and I dragged myself back to the hotel. My feet were hurting from all the dancing, but I still enjoyed myself. I found my way back to my room without incident. My hotel room was really luxurious, with a seating area, a king size bed, double vanity bathroom with a hot tub and a dressing area. I took of my heels and opened the tap to fill the tub. Slowly undressed myself, and it was nice to be able to hang my dress in the closet, since I have to hide them at home. I cleaned my face, poured myself a glass of wine, and stepped into the tub. I felt like I was in a movie. What an amazing night. One that I would remember for long.
It was risky to go out like that. But I couldn’t help myself. I just felt I needed to take this opportunity, wanted to be me and have some fun. In the end it felt great I had made a decision for me.